Why Is Sex Outside of Marriage Bad?

Recently I was asked this question and was completely stumped. I had just finished sharing my views on celibacy and why I decided to take that vow seriously. I was on a "spiritual roll" and felt good about my viewpoints, only to be faced with one simple question... "why?". I thought about it and even rambled for a bit, but deep down I knew that I was doing God a disservice. I had gotten so comfortable in my fellowship with other believers that I completely neglected my own studies to support the very views we shared. Immediately I felt convicted to do a bible study on this topic. Not only to provide an answer should this question come up again but to also solidify my belief. How can I expect to truly adhere to a notion that I don't fully understand? God used that conversation as a teachable moment. I needed to be able to articulate what I believed and provide evidence to support it. Along with evidence, I also needed the confidence and courage to say what others might not agree with. Nonetheless I was completely embarrassed BUT I am thankful that God used that person to challenge my thinking. So, with that being said, here is the sum of my studies: why sex outside of marriage is bad. Read if you dare *evil laugh*.

These aren't mine (ha-ha).

The Purpose of Sex

Sex was designed by God and intended to be enjoyed by a husband and wife. It is a physical and spiritual act where two people join together and become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). From this one flesh union children are born in order to fulfill God's original purpose for mankind to be fruitful multiply (Genesis 1:27 - 28). Sex is not bad, and is in fact a beautiful representation of how we can become one with God (Ephesians 5:31-32). In a marriage, sex offers a deep level of intimacy between husbands and wives that strengthens their bond. Contrary to popular belief, God designed sex and intended for us to enjoy having lots of it! Sex within marriage offers a mutual submission of each others bodies to one another that is honorable to God ( Hebrews 13:4 , 1 Corinthians 7: 1-5). Marriage was intended to be a commitment made by two people for the duration of their lives. It is because of sin and the hardness of men's hearts that divorce was allowed (Matthews 19:8). In summation sex was created to be a pleasurable experience that bonds spouses together and bares children.

The Consequences

So now we go back to the original question of this blog, "why is sex outside of marriage bad?". The most important answer being that it deviates from God's original plan. The marriage bed was blessed by God but anyone who has sex outside of marriage is in danger of judgement (Hebrews 13:4). This judgment can lead to eternal separation from God because we are warned that fornicators (i.e. those having sex outside of marriage) do not get into heaven (1 Corinthians 6: 9 -10). I know that is hard to accept and many people turn away from God because of what the bible calls "hard sayings" (John 6:60). Understand that God does not send people to hell but we choose to go when we go against what we know is true. The bottom line is sex outside of marriage has eternal as well as natural consequences. Unwanted pregnancy, abortion, STDs, mental health/emotional issues, and single parent households are some of the natural consequences of having sex outside of marriage. Sex outside of marriage is a cheap way of trying to obtain a form of intimacy that God intended to be enjoyed solely by people who made the ultimate commitment to each other. Relationships built this way are often a product of lust and the bible warns that lust is never satisfied (Provers 27: 20-22). As Christians we are supposed to be able to control ourselves and honor our bodies by waiting for marriage (1 Thessalonians 4 : 3-7).

A Message for God's Daughters

Dear sister God is not trying to punish you or stop your fun by telling you to wait until marriage. He is protecting you! There are men out here who will use sex to manipulate, dominate, and control you. The bible warns that these type of men target women who are silly and sinful (2 Timothy 3:6). If a man tries to have sex with you outside of marriage then he does not value you! Period. It does not matter how sweet he is; a man after God's heart understands that he has to be able to fully commit to you first. I am not talking about just being his girlfriend, he needs to make you his wife. Do not listen to these manosphere messages about marriage just being a "business deal" or any other excuses. The bible says when a man finds a wife he is blessed and receives favor from God (Proverbs 18:22). That sounds like more than just a business deal to me! Any man telling you these sorts of things is trying to get the most by doing the least. Sadly a lot of women will go for that sort of agreement but that doesn't have to be you. You know better. Do not give marriage benefits with a boyfriend copay. In the words of Pastor G. Craig Lewis, a man needs to "take care of that" if he's gone be "hitting that".

Overall I know that a large majority will not agree with nor adhere to this message. That is okay, it wasn't intended for them. This message is for that person who has felt in their hearts that God wants them to stop having sex outside of marriage. This message is for that young lady swinging from the chandelier and bending backwards hoping that it will win her a ring. This message is for that young girl watching YouTube videos telling her that since she's already had sex outside of marriage that she should just give it up to any guy she dates. God wants me to encourage those women to wait. Not only should you wait to have sex until you're married but also work on yourself during that process. Build your character, self worth, and confidence so that you can say no to a man who doesn't value you. Do not be desperate. God sees you. The wait wont be easy but it is ALWAYS worth it.

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." - Proverbs 31: 10 -12